What do you expect from your marriage, or, if you’re not married, the relationship you’re in? Are you expecting it to last for ever, or just hoping it will? Are you expecting to be happy, or just satisfied? Honoured or just put up with? What does a successful marriage or relationship look like for you?
What are you basing your hopes and expectations on? And would it concern you to find out that so many of your expectations are based on lies?
Let me explain.
Let’s go back to that question about what your hopes and expectations for your marriage are based on…because the truth is that these are invariably based on experience, but it’s learned experience, not our own.
Think about it. Unless you’re in a second marriage you haven’t done what you’re doing before, so you’re living your experience now. The snag is that your expectations of your marriage and your behaviour towards your spouse won’t be based on your own experience, it will be based on what you saw your parents and other influential people do in your childhood. If your parents have/had a wonderful marriage and are all over each other in love, then that’s what marriage looks like to you, and that’s the expectation you have. Similarly, if there wasn’t much evidence of love then demonstrating love to your spouse won’t come naturally to you.
Now look at this from your spouse’s point of view. He/she will have his/her own set of expectations arising from childhood and they be diametrically opposed to yours…
The result? You’re both living out of your parents’ experience…not your own and, forgive me for asking but how’s that working out for you?
Most of us muddle will our way through all of this with a mixture of love and good intentions, but it doesn’t have to be like this; what we see in Sozo for Couples is God revealing the truth of our hearts and the fulness of His intentions for our guests as a couple as both parties work their way through the lies and wounds that they’ve brought to the relationship and are busy inflicting on each other. It’s powerful stuff!”